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Originally Posted by Moment
Yes, but in this configuration that you suggest, it would be MC, and not you, would be the one telling H (aka childhood you) "maybe I love her more than you." This is what I meant when I said it can be hard for us to see, often, when we take on the role of someone who hurt us.
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Which still puts me in the passive role...rather than an active one. And that's one thing that I'm concerned about here, that I'm still letting MC determine my worth in some way. Like I need him to still accept me to be OK. To really successfully work through the transference, I need to not be so dependent on anyone for that--not MC, not my parents, not my H, not anyone. I need to be the one who determines my self-worth. Ultimately, cheesy though it may sound, I need to learn to love myself.
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Anyway, it's a lot to think about. Transference stuff is powerful. I've had a lot of strong reactions to therapists, and to my husband. That's why I urge you not to leave your husband out of the transference analysis.
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That is good to keep that in mind, thanks for the reminder. One thing that came up, that I don't think I mentioned in this thread, is that I was saying in session how there had been this string of guys, both authority figures and a couple exes, that I had been particularly attached to--I forget how exactly I worded it. But H (understandably) took offense at that because I didn't include him in the list. He had a weird look on his face, and MC asked him what he was thinking, so he shared that. I then explained--which I should have done to begin with00that it was more of an *unhealthy* attachment to them, that I gave these people (including MC) power/authority over me. Whereas I thought of H more as an equal, so it was actually a healthier relationship. He seemed OK about it after I explained.