Robnew, sorry to read about what you're going through with your girlfriend (ex-girlfriend). The only feedback I can offer, is to point out that we can't force people to be on our timeline of what we want, when things like this happen. All you can do is give her space, go on with your life, and just see what happens. You want her back. She knows it. So, there's really nothing more that you can say or do, I think, to convince her to hurry up and get onboard with a reconciliation, as much as you want one, since you two broke up before.

As far as her abandonment issues go that she hasn't sought counseling for; that is a tough nut to crack. People with abandonment issues do tend to be "runners," and tend to play the "push-pull" and "hot-n-cold" game with people they're in a relationship with, hell, even their friendships fall into that pattern. It's all about their need for control, due to the lack of control they had in whatever their abuse situation was about (whether it's emotional abuse or physical abuse by a parent, or whomever). I'm not an expert, just someone with an opinion.

When I have dated men who have abandonment issues, they are commitment-phobes to the n-th degree. No amount of negotiating with them, making compromises, assurances, or changes could keep them in the relationship with me. Even when I didn't do anything to trigger their decision to run. They just got tired of me and left. If I chased, they ran farther. So, after enough of that silliness, I decided the next time I come across a commitment-phobe, no matter how strong the chemistry, I will just have to "pass" on that man as an opportunity to date. Why put myself through that misery again? It's been 7 years since I was in a relationship, and he really did a number on me, so as far as I'm concerned, I'm permanently off the dating-market while I continue to pursue things that make me happy. I just am sick and tired of encountering men who run because they get bored too fast with me, or whatever their reason is (they never tell me so I just assume its because I bore them).

You need to decide when "enough is enough" with this woman, no matter how long you two have known each other, no matter what you've been through. You may want to be with her, but if she has commitment issues she refuses to address and deal with, you will always be like a cat chasing a mouse that can't be caught. What is it that you want? Do you want to marry her? Does she know this, if that's the case? Do you want to be on the receiving end of her push-pull routine all the time? Doesn't that exhaust you? Don't you deserve better than that from your relationship partner? There have to be women out there who don't have those commitment issues from past abuse, who you may be more compatible with. It's just something you should think about, rather than put your life on hold for this woman, who has left you before and waited for you to chase her before she came back. As an outsider, that doesn't seem very fair to you, to do all the work in the relationship that you seem to be doing. You deserve better. That's all I can say as a stranger on a forum.