I'm here. My mom has been in the hospital for six days with heart issues; namely afib and was in the beginning stages of heart failure due to water retention. She is doing better and is at home today. I am very tired from taking care of two households and her cat. As well as going to the hospital to see her. Ironically Friday night I was supposed to go to psych ER and then after agreeing to go, I went home only to get my moms frantic message early Saturday morning. So I see it as divine providence.
I guess that's not really irony but coincidence. The irony is that I felt safer with her admitted than I do now that she is in her own home. I had anxiety about picking her up and had to come to an understanding around my own emotions.
It isn't like she can't hurt me where I am, I simply feel like she has control and the upper hand typically whereas she didn't have that while in the hospital. Of course I felt a worry for her as well and concerned that she would die. It is complicated.
Due to my own medications, my own irregular heartbeat and missed beats and possibly PVCs have picked up daily now. I had a wellness check today and my doctor heard my irregular heartbeat for the first time. I guess she didn't believe me up until now even though five years ago I wore a heart monitor for 48 hours. She doesn't like that it is so frequent but all other vitals are good. It is just uncomfortable.
She did suggest that I could go off the HRT even though I just had a hysterectomy. She said that I would have to in a few years anyway and that it if it is going to do this to my heart and mess up my psych meds it might not be worth taking. Something for me to think about.
All things considered I am doing well and as always I'm thinking of everyone in here! Even though I can't be in here daily, know that you are all in my thoughts daily