Miralax? Is that safer than anything else? I'm super scared of anything OTC. I know, I know. I have to get over that fear.

Yep. I've been constipated my whole life and no matter how physically active I've ever been in the past, still constipated. If I lay off dairy, meat, eggs, and acidic foods and gassy veggies, then I don't get so much bloating or gas trapped. I've been sedentary for a year so I'm as bloated as a Thanksgiving parade float right now. Stick a spicket in me, and I'd probably squeal with gas the way air squeals when released from a balloon.