I felt this way for a very long time. It is not a good place to be.

My state improved dramatically after getting out of a bad environment and getting off medication. The medication was causing a lot of problems that I didn't fully realize until after the drugs were stopped (my mother's choice, not the doctor's). I was a child, and I was told directly that all my problems were because my brain was broken and only drugs could fix it. The drugs never worked, tried pill after pill, like I was an experiment that was always failing. I believed I was a broken, unfixable problem. Illness became an identity. I was a failure that could never be anything else.

When I realized this wasn't true, it took another decade to get over the anger and feelings of violation and betrayal by people that were supposed to help.

I am going to post an article here that gave me a lot of perspective. Maybe it will help others. It will definitely speak to how you feel here. It is about how the stigma of mental illness and how it is handled in different societies, and how it changes through time. I will post it in another thread in the next couple days.