I hear you, I believe you feel tired and hopeless. I can't really know how it exactly feels for you, I've been feeling similar, but not the same maybe. For me it's like when I once fell suddenly in a pool of water because someone pushed me and all I could see was water around me and me going down and it felt like, this is it, I'm drowning and I have to accept it because it's happening and there's nothing else now, the whole world is water. But then, somehow, even if I did nothing, something pushed me. I started moving and even though I did nothing, next thing I know I was above the surface and I was grateful but more so, surprised. Why am I here, what happened? I don't know, my body didn't want to stay down, even when I'd let it go, it was just so natural for it to come up. So I accepted it and suddenly felt the fear and darkness I couldn't feel when I was going down, under. And I felt all these emotions, out of nowhere, surprise, fear, shame, elation, horror, happiness, gratitude. I felt so freaking vulnerable.

I don't know why I felt the need to share this with you, but I did.