Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietMind
My partner said I treat him like an emotional punching bag because when I'm triggered slightly without a clear cause, I'll be moody and withdrawn , then I'll grumble about small things.
(not my usual self, I present as and generally optimistic despite how lousy I might actually feel because I've learned that I'm liked better that way)
He'll get impatient and start trying to get me to identify the trigger when I often can't, and he gets irritated by my pointless grumbles over work or family.
Then he'll explode at me and say I'm treating him like an emotional punching bag with my "whining" and gets angry at me withdrawn. I really try to not snark at him and usually close off even further when he blows up. After he's done swearing at me and raging verbally, he'll apologise.
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Hugs... I do that to. BF often gets angry because I can't explain what's going on and the more he asks, the more I withdraw. We had multiple arguments over that (well, he being angry and shouting, me being silent and dissociating)... I often feel guilty because I hurt him with my behavior. I'm even sure that he'd be better off without me.
I do dare to say that that's not abusive. Partners may blow up because they worry and feel helpless, not because you "damage" them. Your partner isn't your child... they're adults themselves and can defend themselves. As Lts MC always seems to say, anger is ok. Your partner expresses that something isn't right, probably that he's worrying. In my opinion, abuse has something to do with power differences... that's simply not given here... you're hurting and vulnerable, your not in a position if power.
I agree that it may not be great for your partner though... I have no tips for that sadly
