Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Owl
My last therapist was very secretive and blank slate. She didn't share any thoughts or feelings and only told me two little anecdotes that were slightly personal the entire time I saw her. During the time that I saw her I found the relationship more and more difficult. I found it hard to feel a human connection with her. I felt somehow to be 'other' in my relationship with her. I felt rejected. Looking back I wonder if it was a power thing. I also think that perhaps my T had her own stuff that meant that she couldn't be very real with me. I think that there are ways that we, as humans, make connections with each other and build secure relationships, and that can involve connecting about trivial things like colours, in the process of talking about such things we might smile or laugh and that is how we build a relationship. My old T never smiled or laughed with me. I think that T's should think about how to build a secure relationship, it doesn't just happen. Thankfully my new T is completely different.
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My experience with my most recent T was very similar to Brown Owls, although my T never even shared one anecdote. While I don't feel that my T was on a Power Trip, it sure felt that way and the imbalance of power was one of the things that drove me crazy. I was in a similar situation and she wouldn't answer my real questions, so I asked her if she ate pizza and she wouldn't answer that either! And like you, I could not care less if she eats pizza or what her favorite color is, it's that she wouldn't answer the damn question! This would frustrate me beyond belief.
I should add that I was so frustrated by the whole blank slate thing that I looked her up online and found out a ton of stuff about her and her family. I ended up telling her this because I felt guilty and she was soooo angry! She really felt that I had violated her privacy, but I felt that all of the info was right there and I didn't have to pay for it and I certainly didn't hack anything, but she saw it differently. And our relationship really went down hill after that. She said that she wasn't mad anymore, but she was still sometimes a little passive aggressive with info. For instance, she was going away and I asked her where and she just said the one word name of the state in a tone that suggested, how dare I ask!
Occasionally if I was in the middle of a story and mentioned a place or a thing, I'd just say, "have you been there" and she would answer in the moment, but if I ever just sat there and asked a question, she would never answer! I hate the blank slate so much that I ended up finding a new Therapist who is not a blank slate. And I can email her and she always responds. I'm having trouble feeling really connected but am giving it some time.
I completely understand what you're going through BB!