L was very nondisclosing early on. I didn't know anything about her for years except that she offered that we went to the same very small college (identifying other alumni is exciting for us) but recently she has opened up occasionally. She tells me little stories about her family mostly. I know she has adult children, one of whom is a son and on the autism spectrum, I know her mother is an amazing cook and her siblings are all chefs, I know where she grew up, I know she goes to Burning Man every September. That's about it.

M is not secretive at all. He does not tell me about events or problems in his personal life- that is a boundary and I'm glad- but I know a lot about him and his family background-wise. Ages, locations, professions, ethnicities, the schools they went to, etc. Lots of things too about his college years, the clubs he was a part of, the dorms he was in (guess what, we went to the same college too, as did my chiropractor as I found out later, all extremely weird and unlikely!) I don't mind knowing this stuff at all. The info usually works its way into relevant anecdotes or small talk as I'm putting my coat on or writing a check. He does have a book of poems published, though, with extremely personal stuff in it, so I know more about the issues he's dealt with than he's said directly. He directed me to the book himself so I suppose he's not overly concerned with keeping that info concealed. There are a few things in there I'd rather not have found out.

I like that they are not so blank-slate (and M, certainly not at all). It's been interesting to see L switch from almost complete non-disclosure to something more casual. The effectiveness of our therapy has improved along the same time frame. If the two are related, and I think they are, I think I'm more comfortable opening up to a person I can identify with, even in very small ways.