I can't do like everybody else; how hard is it for people to understand?

I'm not strong. I can't just suck it up.

I'm not smart because I have a diminished IQ as an adult because of all of the living hell I've had to deal with growing up.

All I am is cunning. I am brilliant when I'm in a position to where I can lie or cheat my way into something but I'm utterly worthless and powerless otherwise.

So if I can't lie or cheat, how the hell am I supposed to do anything right? I can't do like everybody else anyways. I don't have the knowledge or experience that other people 5-8 years younger than me have. I can't prove myself to people so why do I bother?

I'm nothing. I hate myself. I wish somebody would kill me because I'm too much of a coward to perform the deed myself.

I hate life.