***Venting***

I feel I have a bunch of connected problems, where the problems are fed by each others. I am not sociable. Not socializing makes me not motivated to do stuff like excelling in certain things like in my field, because why to bother, I am always alone at the end of the day. Not getting things done further erodes my already low self-esteem to socialize (I will be afraid that they would know about me not doing things well, like by asking things about my field I wouldn't know), ..... and so and so goes the cycle. Here I am, a guy in his mid 30s, and does nothing worthy. All I do is sitting and wasting my time. No one welcomes me socially or professionally because I am not good at both. This is my whole story in few lines. I am just surviving.