I personally don't like the prospect of using a "lady of the night" as it were to sastisfy the need for sex for one simple reason, you have no clue of their past, and have no idea what if any STDs they might have. All it takes is one time having unprotected sex to screw your life over for ever. Even using protection can ultimately lead to contracting an STD as no means of protection is 100% safe.

As for your emotional confusion, and trepidation with soliciting women, I have a theory. The reason you feel so confused and awful about it all is because they are doing sexual acts as a profession, and nothing more. You feel at a loss when they go off and don't acknowledge you outside of their evening with you because you naturally long for a deeper, more meaningful connection. In their eyes, they are paid for their services and afterword, they owe you nothing, not even recognition. Besides, if they did give you recognition outside of their services, they might risk ruining what reputation they have built up within their "business adventures". You long for compassion, decency and most of all basic human contact. You are really looking for intimacy, not sexual contact, mind you, but the special kind of intimacy that comes with being in a deep and meaningful relationship. It's not something an escort feels they owe you and something they probably don't give to their clients for fear of breaching a line somewhere between professional and intimate relationships.

I understand the frustration of having no one interested in you. I get looked over more than I'd like to count, or could count. I don't understand why, being that I feel I look very attractive and desirable. I guess guys don't like it when I open my mouth and sound very ditzy every once in a while. I'm a very intelligent woman, I just happen to have blonde moments every so often.

Instead of looking toward escorts and "people of the night", I often just pour my money into dating sites. It burns just about the same amount of money, and I often get to go out on a date or two with a guy and they offer to pay for meals and stuff. It's okay, I guess, and I know that being more selective of whom I get intimate with means less risk of contracting an STD.

With that said, the last time I got laid was back a couple of years ago, and I've almost forgotten what if feels like, however, whenever the lustful need rears it's head, I just put on some porn and use a toy. Not the same, granted, but it gets the job done to the point where it's not an all consuming and ravaging need that demands that I must drop whatever I'm doing and jump the next guy that crosses my path.

I'm also sorry that the folks in your life are rather degrading in regards to your sexual preferences. I mean, don't we all have some kink or preference when it comes to whom we seek out for sexual intimacy and romance? It's all perfectly natural, and to condemn and scorn a man for what he likes to do behind closed doors is being rather nosey, IMHO. "If it doesn't affect you directly, don't worry about it." That statement right there aught to be a law or something. Besides, I'm sure they all have kinks that they'd be blushing over if someone outside of their innermost circle knew about. So they shouldn't be ones to talk.

Anyways, I hope you find a solution that works for you. I really do.