i've been struggling with my mental health for about ten years now,and in the last two years things have gotten worse and i've developed more symptoms. I started having intrusive thoughts i was sexually assaulted as a child and with these thoughts came emotional overload and a lot of panic. but i had no memories of abuse. more recently these thoughts have increased and i've started having intrusive imagery. i also often see a man standing over me and he pushes my head down or to the side and i can't control it. i've also developed a tick and whenever i see some kind of trigger (normally related to abuse) my head violently jerks to the side. I also had what felt like a flashback where i was sat on the floor as a child and a man was standing over me but i'm not sure if it was a real memory but it felt related to the 'assault'. when i first started having these thoughts i thought they weren't real, but the emotion certainly is, and i'm more and more feeling that something really did happen.

looking up c-ptsd i have a lot of the symptoms, such as dissociation, relationship/trust issues, taking on the role of the savour, emotional flashbacks, also depression/anxiety which i have been diagnosed with.
i was also emotionally abused by my parents, and my sister was raped when she was 14 and i was 9. it had a big impact on me and my other sister as my parents were not supportive of her and she was traumatised. (the perpetrator was not related to our family at all)

i want to get the right diagnosis so i can get the right help. i'm feeling very lost right now. I try and read up about trauma in the form of self help books but i find myself too triggered and have to stop.

I also have serious trust issues and recently broke off with a bad therapist, which hasn't helped. i'm scared about going to a specialist about these problems as i've been assessed in the last couple of years and i always feel like i'm not being taken seriously and it makes me feel really overwhelmed. and like i'm just crazy for thinking there's more going on than just depression/anxiety.

any advice i'd really appreciate. or if anyone just relates and wants to chat.