lol i feel so alienated too... but im so used to talking to myself in real life its ok...

i dunno about that new medication though, i skipped 2 days and kinda "slid back to the dark side" on a slippery slope which i can read some weird posts on the way down...
where i was *ahem* trying to drink, use drugs, ect. to bring myself into my world... but guess what... here i am, things are ok .... for the moment.. im back... i just am a little scared, maintenance like this is difficult with no income... im struggling... and having really high anxiety... but its what is driving me, to say... i have not much choice, i have to either - Die. or Work. because the government doesnt give a damn..

and yeah im a Guy ...

remember me saying "i dont like reading my old posts" ????
this is why... because things like this happen, its not cool . . .
but its documentation right...? maybe helpful some how... to keep my crazy in 1 place...

im trying to figure this stuff out after all, its not really for entertainment or fun, its not for anyone else... its for me

i suffer from severe anxiety... MDD... PTSD... somatization disorder... ADHD... and a bad case of CRS (cant remember ****)

i know that it must be confusing to follow/understand, but its really confusing to live as well so please be sympathetic....

oooh by the way, i smoked some weed and i feel normal finally, for the first time in weeks i feel like everything is ok... just for right now... i can breathe, everythings not gonna kill me... isn't that great? <3