{{{{{{Tryin}}}}}}}

I know that you have been hurting lately. Yes, that is SI (one of my 'gateway' methods, if you will, in fact). Any of us here will tell you, it really is not something that you want to get into. It's much easier to stop now than later, after it becomes an established habit. However, your T should understand about it and be able to help you. I'm wondering if maybe you tried this because you are worried about the future and your ability to get the help that you need. I'll admit that SI was what it took for me, to be taken seriously enough to get effective help. There are certainly better ways to ask, but when you get to this point, you just might not have the resources to find another way.

You do still have insurance now, right? Even if you don't, call your T, and talk about your situation and your concerns and what you need. S/he will help you work something out so that you can get help. Have you thought about vocational rehabilitation? That's a good way to get access to therapy, as well as vocational help when you are ready (therapy comes first though), and you won't pay a cent for it unless you plainly are able to afford to pay your own way, which it doesn't sound like. They may be able to pay for therapy with your current T even, if that's what you want.

Wanting to hurt yourself is quite often a signal that you aren't able to tolerate the way that your life is right now, and something needs to change. It may take therapy to identify what it is that you need to work on changing, and how to go about it, but it really can be a positive thing if it motivates you to learn how to make the most out of your life. Most people in the world never really do.

You are welcome to PM me if you want to. I'm afraid that I don't know as much about your current situation as I wish I did. If you would like to talk about it, I'm all ears.

Warm thoughts and good wishes,
Rapunzel