I am so confused by your question (and its constraints): "what would be helpful to you to move this therapy forward-outside of me changing?"

What is not moving forward? What has to move forward? What would moving forward look like? How can I change the therapy without you? If it's not working, why am i the only one to change the therapy? how come you aren't part of it not "moving forward"?

I don't ask you for anything anymore. Don't email or text you outside of sessions. Tell you about all my feelings every session. Make myself vulnerable all the time. What else can I do that doesn't involve you? I have no needs anymore; well I don't ask for anything anyway. I don't see how there could be any logical answer.

I think you are mischaracterizing me. I really think I'm just someone with depression. I keep questioning myself back and forth, but it always keeps coming back to that. I have no need for pain. I am not 'hurting myself'. I spent years trying to better myself and have overcome a lot of adversity. How am I not getting un-depressed on purpose? Even aside from my history, everything that happened before i came to you, most anyone would have depression. And that's what I hired you to help with.

I really could use your help to get my self-esteem back, that declined from the depression, that would help. But that would involve you 'doing' something that you are not doing. How could the whole outcome of therapy be only dependent on me and what i do? Why did you go to school all that time and have all that training if you don't do anything? How can you have all that expertise but not help or not use it in the therapy? But me, without all the expertise, is supposed to make it work by myself. i don't get it.

Was I doing therapy by myself all that time? Maybe that's why it's not "moving forward"-because I am trying to do it by myself. I feel I work very hard to make this work, too hard actually. How come you aren't part of the solution? This is crazy.