i feel like i've been away for so long, but i dont want to even contemplate the time frame; its not important...
what is important is staying focused.

i just feel sad that i go through these shifts, sad that i dont understand whats happening to me, afraid that these things happen and i dont understand... afraid that my doctors dont understand... afraid that my therapist has told me 2 times that she doesnt know how to help... afraid that the disability people have denied denied and denied...

im at the end of the rope, the bottom of the barrel, times up ya know!
time for ME to do something.. its my turn, so here im back, i just dont know where i went to or why i left, ... or how its even possible?

but i gotta stay focused, getting off track is how things get messed up, becoming obsessed is opening doors to the ones inside that will destroy everything