This only applies if she is officially has AvPD.

There can be many reasons to why she left… even ones that you’re not even aware of, or ones that don’t even concern or relate to you.

We can’t maintain close long term relationship/friendships.
It just doesn’t happen.
We never learnt how to, only learnt what it takes to survive.

I see that the small argument has been mentioned a few times.
I am willing to bet that she had tried to push you away several times before.
The small argument was just what was used to leave.

In regards to us manipulating people for control.
Thats incorrect to those who have AvPD!
Yes, there are other anxiety type disorders that do, but we don’t.
We tend to blame ourselves, aswell as taking the blame for everything.

Abandonment issues. In this case she left you, so a none issue.

Unfortunately its normal for us to push people away.
As very small children we had to push our parents/caregivers away because they were people who were supposed to love and care for us and didn’t.
We pushed them away and turned inward for self preservation.
As a result we never learned how to trust, how to feel safe in a relationship, abandonment and god knows what else.
IMHO I also feel that our DNA wasn’t going to allow our primary care givers/parents in… so in-effect we walled them out from day one.

So, when our AvPD is raised/triggered whatever…
We’re going to push people away just to reduce the stress to simplify the situation.

To contact her while she is like this will only trigger her, distancing herself further from you. She will likely make contact with you but who’s to say when and maybe as a friend only.

I am triggered by this thread and my comments.
I can’t even finish what i want to say. I know this is fairly rushed as i just wanted to get it out, so I’m pissed at myself for not running through every point for you. This is the best you’re going to get without me being very detailed and precise.
Just feels like i have short changed you…sorry.