I was dx'd w/a Personality Disorder NOS w/avoidant features. Even so, I want close relationships and am not happy being alone. I can easily see how my avoidance affects the things I do (or don't do) but, recently, my T asked me what thoughts or fantasies do I have? That drew me up short! At the time, I couldn't think of any fantasies I had about anything. The next day, I sat down on my couch, turned on the radio to a favorite station and tried to fantasize about different things, like seeing my nieces and nephew and what we might do together, getting a dog and how happy that would make me, feelings that I have about my T, etc. After an hour of listening to music that stirred feelings in me, I was somewhat successful in bringing up fantasies in my head.

So, my question is this: Do those of you who are dx'd as avoidant or feel you're avoidant, are you able to fantasize? If you don't fantasize or daydream, do you think this is because of your avoidance? When I first began therapy, T asked me why I didn't have dreams or goals of what I wanted to do as an adult. I told T, "No past, no future." (I was adopted w/no knowledge of who my parents were) Now, we're working on my loneliness and T asked, "Why do you think you're feeling so lonely now but haven't for most of your life?" So, I'M beginning to change, but I struggle to change my life...the ever-present issue for avoidants who desire a less singular life, it seems.

Any and all responses and insights would be greatly appreciated!