and I'm sorry, but no one will see it anyway, I rather destroy myself apparently than to let anger show.
Because I'm not allowed to be angry. To express anger.
I don't even know why I am not allowed. Some people have stories, my stories are lost in my mind or maybe it's just all in my mind.

I am left with hating myself because I have no one to blame.
I am left with dying inside and no one can see.
Anyway.
I can't be myself, I can't ever be myself. I have to be the silent, shy obedient girl. I'm locked inside this invisible prison. Something blocks me to express my emotions, especially the strong ones. I can't be spontaneous. Someone, somewhere, hasn't allowed me to do that.

And then people come and say that I'm okay. That I'm strong. Well, I don't want to be strong anymore. I wanted to be myself but apparently something screwed that up a long time ago and I have no one to blame.

Sorry, I hope it's okay that I posed this here.