This might be kind of long, but I'm desperate.

In November (2016), I met a friend online. She's a few years younger than me and I work full time, but I moved back into my parents house 4 years ago after getting a divorce (I'm about to be 28). At the time she was taking a leave of absence from college due to a traumatic event. She wasn't going out of her house or seeing anyone and we talked for hours every single day. I would even text her while I was at work. We bonded quickly and deeply. I'd say we probably talked (texting and calling) upwards of 7 hours a day. We called, texted, sent audio messages, etc. We were telling each other "i love you" probably within a month and we were just really, really close.

In January, she resumed school and her life quickly became quite busy. We were still able to talk on the phone occasionally, and we still texted a few hours before bed. As the semester progressed, she because more and more busy - with class and seeing her friends and family. Slowly, I feel like I've lost my place in her life. She told me about a month ago that she needed to concentrate on "being present in her life" which meant that she was basically no longer going to text me during the day so she could concentrate on her friends and school. And I get that... I don't expect her to text me while she getting coffee or lunch with her friends. But... I'm struggling. We now text maybe 20 or 30 minutes a day if its a good day.

And now.. school is out, but she got a job about 2 weeks ago. And... she's met a guy at work. And when she told me... I got insanely jealous. I reacted badly and basically when she texted me she was met someone, I abruptly told her I was going to sleep and left the conversation. We've had several long talks that leave me feeling sick to my stomach with fear she will leave me. She told me she doesn't feel comfortable really sharing her life or even how to talk to me anymore because I make her feel guilty for having a life while I'm at home alone. She said she does feel bad we don't really talk anymore, but that also she can't do it all and she has to focus on her real life relationships. This thing with the boyfriend is eating me alive. Yesterday, I didn't talk to her from 9 am until 9 pm she was so busy. And when she finally got home from work (midnight her time, 9 my time) I told her she could go to bed she didn't need to stay up for me and she told me it was ok because she was also talking with her boyfriend. That cut me deep. Now... what little time we had to hang out she is also texting the boyfriend.

I've been distraught the past few days - crying uncontrollably, hurting myself, and I've resorted to texting a crisis line just for someone to talk to. In the past when I was upset, she would comfort me. But, I cannot tell her about this because I'm the reason I'm so distraught. I know people in most normal adult friendships probably don't text every day. But, I can't cope. I'm so jealous and insecure. I spend my whole day constantly thinking about her and now I have the added thought if her rule about being present in life extends to the boyfriend. Now I can't help obsessively thinking that when she goes 12 hours without texting me because she's too busy that she's still texting the boyfriend. And at night when we finally can chat a little.. she's talking to him. I just feel like I invested so much of myself into the relationship that I no longer no how to cope with not talking to her.

I don't know what to do. I'm miserable... crying myself to sleep... having constant thoughts of hurting myself.. constantly thinking she doesn't love me anymore. And our interactions are different... because I've made a big deal of being jealous she's more guarded in our conversations.. not at loving. Like.. we used to send an audio message each night at bedtime talking about how much we loved each other and how important each other is in our lives (they'd be at least a minute long). Now, I get a quick 15 second "Love you so much glad you're my friend goodnight!" I'm just so hurt. I need help. Please.. how can I overcome this crazy jealousy and insecurity. I can't do this anymore.