i dont really have the energy to write the whole story, but basically i'm having a really rough time and i was supposed to see T tomorrow morning. she called and said her nanny for her son mentioned to her she's not feeling well, so if she calls out then my T cant make session. she said she didn't want to risk cancelling so we should just wait till monday. im devastated, because i really needed her. she told me she'd call me in the morning if the nanny doesn't call out and she is able to make it, and she said if that's not the case she will call me in the afternoon to see how im doing. she sorta has a history of saying she will try to call and doesn't. this time i really don't know if i can take that. if i have to wait till monday AND she never calls like she said i'll be even more devastated. i was lost for words on the phone tonight but my tone of voice i think was able to express my need for her. i wish i could have just bursted into tears right then.

the whole thing about me asking what happened to her wrist will have to wait until this specific thing with me blows over, or at least until we have that session i need. i hope she does call. i really really hope she does, i need it. i'll probably update tomorrow on whether she does or not..