Hi Growly,
Great responses here. I just wanted to add-your an experienced client and self-aware and understand so much about therapy, so I wouldn't worry as much about not being safe as you are going to pick up on it. Not that you are supposed to, but even good therapists make mistakes-all the time. The whole picture is what's important, perhaps, and this therapy has a lot of good things going for sure.
Also agree with what Brillskep said-changing boundaries can be ok, and I think being flexible with boundaries is healthy (this is different than being inconsistent).
The dynamic you are seeing is very interesting-the need for approval/people pleasing. That would bother me, if my therapist didn't have a solid sense of self. The other end of this spectrum is rigidity and controlling. I think it's really good to bring this up and discuss with him, too.
That strong affinity can sort of grow, true. If it was me, I'd keep it in the back of my mind and be vigilant.
I did want to add that my former therapist did a lot of out of the ordinary stuff for me, and it was a very good experience. I sort of watched the boundaries. He was very fond of me. I think I was self aware enough too, so it wasn't harmful. I kept some boundaries in that therapy relationship. People say it's not the client's job, and I agree, but again, for me it's the big picture of things and most therapists aren't 100% at everything. Give and take. Strengths and weaknesses.
Maybe you could talk with him about possible strategy to ensure it won't tip too far into an unhealthy dynamic? For example, you could both stop the conversation and examine if he is saying/doing something out of a need for approval. Examine things. My last therapist did that a lot. He spent years in analysis though, but funny he would do this out loud in front of me. Always keeping himself in check via self analysis simultaneously as stuff unfolded; most every session. I think that's something other therapists could adopt because it seemed to work really well in keeping his stuff out of the therapy for the most part. At least he was conscious of wanting to nurture me etc. and we could talk about it. The talking/conscious/out loud is actually the opposite of acting out. So if you talk about things frequently, you are not usually acting on them. Not that both can't happen, but in my case, it really helped and I think it could work with others too perhaps.
Good luck
Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
I appreciate the replies! Kashi is primarily a dbt therapist and cbt secondarily. But my last t was strongly cbt so I don't see it as much in kashi.
I definitely want to talk to him about what changed. Today he said that he knows me better. I don't know that I buy that. He doesn't know how I am as a driver beyond what I tell him. I personally feel like he changed his boundary because he wants me to like him more. I already like him.
Today I feel badly that I was giving off body language that I did not want a hug at the end of my he session. Of course I do but I've never had a t offer it almost every session. It was making me wonder about my own motives conscious or not. Or maybe his.
To be honest I've had odd moments of feeling a spark towards him but I don't want another crush on a t. Been there done that. Sometimes he will do or say something effeminate and my gut reaction is "um, no" in a anti romantic knee jerk reaction. Sometimes I just feel a strong affinity for him like we were some kind of kindred spirits. It's confusing.
He has shared some of his past but when it comes to abuse not details. I don't think he talks about himself too much. I just get a sense that my craving for care and his need for approval may interlock in unhealthy ways if we are not careful.
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