i totally get it... do you think the drinking causes more switching?

i know i've come to the point where im tired of drinking really, i just like drugs ....
i mean yesterday i drank 1 24 oz mikes harder lemonade thing just because everyone else was drinkin but i was doin my own thing...
the alcohol seems to make things worse for me in ways... plus its expensive and takes away my money for my other stuff lol, like i can use that money to get stuff that will last hours longer with less side effects that has a lot higher efficacy and potency and its just so much better for me...

but then again im not saying i have d.i.d. either so dont get me wrong, im not sayin any of that no no no

its just that i've had an up and down battle with alcohol my entire life since around 12 years old... and i think im really just growing tired of it and hopefully this time ill stay tired... cause i like saving money and spending it on drugs instead lol

alcohol used to help... in the beginning... but then its like, in itself it became a trigger because i trigger myself so much since my tolerance became so high you know

plus when you get to drinkin and have half a buzz and start arguing and fighting with yourself it gets nasty... no fun drunk fighting with yourself... i end up cutting or self harm or whatever and then crying because i furked up again...

have you looked into those online therapy things? i dunno the prices on them but maybe they are cheaper? not too sure... but sometimes having someone that we can talk to is just really helpful... just talking to someone that gets it relieves a lot of pressure... having someone that understands makes us feel much better...
a weight can be lifted, that dreadful weight of feeling so alone...

i know i hate trying to talk about things because the fear of no one getting it, but when someone finally does understand (because i've been in 'who gives a damn' mode) it makes me feel better...

we're here for you, i'm sorry that these things keep happening to you... people are jackoffs and so inconsiderate, i just want to rip their heads off and shuv them up their own asses sometimes so they can see all the **** they are full of you know

but you know people like us are really strong because of all the **** that we have been through, so screw them, they are just weak and scared and dont know anything thats why they go around laughing behind our backs and making fun of other peoples illnesses ... because they just dont know anything so they feel like they gotta make fun of others to make themselves look big and better, smart, because they stupid, but it makes them look even more stupid to do that **** but they dont realize it... only us smart ones that actually been through the real crap can see how stupid they really are you know what i mean

just **** em, we dont need them... we got each other