Thank you so much Snap66. Far from short changing me, you've told me a lot, and I'm very grateful for the time and effort you made to respond, so I'm really sorry that my thread triggered you.

You're right in that the small argument wasn't the reason, but the opportunity to run. It was due to me shouting at her when she was being withdrawn and moody, which I never normally do, and was just cranky. I don't think it was a coincidence either that this was the day before her birthday where I had things planned. So yes, it was an excuse to leave, but similar things happened before, and she was easily persuaded, as though it was a need for reassurance after the initial anger subsided. This time the leaving was impulsive but, rather than make an effort to talk her out of it, I said I'd respect her decision, and so there was some anger after she moved out at me being so accepting about it. As such, once that passed and we got back to communicating well, I assumed it would eventually work out.

I agree, in that I've never seen any signs of manipulation, only genuine conflict and confusion caused by her own mixed emotions.

As for abandonment issues, she has often admitted to them, and would react to perceived signs of rejection. Yes, she did leave, but admitted in a vulnerable moment that she thought I may be losing interest in the weeks prior, so who knows if that prompted her.

All I know is that things were going really well, with lots of contact, fun, and talk of getting back together, until the exam problems, when she started to withdraw strongly.

I agree that contacting her like this will only push her away further and so, after being ignored at two attempts in two weeks, I've now left it for three. I guess it's knowing how long "like this" lasts. The easy option is to leave it to her to make contact, if and when she's ready.

However, if she withdrew again simply because she was a bit overwhelmed by everything, and so was just annoyed at my offer of space, then I know she'd be very nervous about making contact after ignoring me for so long, even if she wanted to, in case I'd moved on and rejected her.

Equally, knowing how she takes things, she could easily have misread my offer of space as my way of letting go and moving on, which could either make her just as fearful of rejection, or even angry and resentful towards me for any perceived rejection on my part.

So, I obviously hope you're right, in that she'll likely make contact at some point, but can't help feeling that it's up to me to let her know it would be welcomed. But then I don't know how such things work, and whether any fears or doubts, and or possible feelings of anger/resentment subside over time, or whether they grow.

In the past, when we split up over a year ago, we were talking again fine a month later, but we weren't living together then, or had got as close. So, I appreciate that the greater closeness this time, and mutual desire to make things work, no doubt makes things harder in the short term, as feelings were stronger. But of course I don't know if that's a benefit or disadvantage as time passes, in that do those good feelings get buried and fade, or do they resurface with time and space?

So that's my catch 22. Any contact too soon, and it makes things worse, as does the wrong kind, even if the time is right. Or, no contact, and leaving it to her, could come across as me having given up, let go, and moved on.

Hence my posts and questions, and the enormous gratitude, to you and everyone else who've been so kind to offer their thoughts and help.

So thank you again.