Thank you for the replies. It's made me cry just knowing people are kind enough to try and help me.

I'm going to speak to my mom about going to therapy. I don't really want to have to tell her, but like I mentioned, I live at home plus I'm still on their insurance, so I have to talk to her about it.

Skeezyks - I don't think I've seen it as a romantic relationship. It's tricky... because I genuinely have to desire to enter a sexual relationship with a woman.. and I consider myself straight. However, I do have very deep feelings for her, so it is a little confusing. In the beginning, she was the one who would message me the most and was always so excited every chance to talk to me. She'd be so excited when I went on break at work or when I got home. She'd immediately tell me how much she loved and missed me. Because at that time... I was her coping mechanism. She was isolated, very depressed, coping with a trauma, sleep deprived because of constant nightmares. So I think she was dependent on me at first to be her lifeline.. but when she went back to school, I ceased being her lifeline and I feel like somewhere along the line, she became mine. And now our roles are kind of reversed I feel like.. where I desperately need her and she doesn't really need me. I was for the most part fine before I met her - lonely, yes, but I could handle it. Suddenly now after this intense relationship, I find I can no longer cope with being alone... It's a very hard situation.

prefabsprout - No, we have never met in real life. We've only communication through the phone. We have facetimed a few times and stuff, but she lives on the east coast and i live on the west coast. We have discussed me coming out to see her, but now, I don't know. I wonder if she will ever have the time for me to come visit. We had talked about this summer, but she is no less busy out of school than she was in school. And... I just don't know if she would be able to make time for me. I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket and end up sitting in a hotel alone because she's working everyday and/or busy with her friends/family/boyfriend.

I definitely do think I need to seek a therapist... this whole thing has made me realize that I'm deeply, deeply unhappy with my life. I have a few work friends and we occasionally hang out and get drinks and one comes over occasionally if my parents are away... but, suddenly, I had this person who showered me with attention and love and it made me feel special... for the first time in a long time. My ex left me 4 years ago quite suddenly and I think deep down I've never recovered. And that hole in me left my heart wide open to form a probably unhealthy, codependent relationship... one where I now feel worthless and at the bottom of the list of priorities.

I'm thinking of kind of telling her that I'm ok with not talking every day if that is too stressful for her, but would like her to set aside an hour perhaps once a week or once every two weeks that could be just for us. Like... pretend I'm a real life friend who she gets coffee with or lunch week. Do you guys think that is unreasonable of me to ask? I feel like if I could just feel like I still have some value in her life... maybe I wouldn't feel like I need to talk to her everyday.

Because how it stands now, I see myself as someone in her life that gets whatever snippets of time she has leftover after she has dedicated herself to everyone else in her life. That like... I'm the bottom of the list and I get whatever leftovers she has. But maybe... if I felt like she cared enough to make time just for me.. it wouldn't hurt so much that every single other day she is too busy to talk to me.

i guess how I feel is like.. she loves me and wants me in her life, but doesn't actually care enough to make a dedicated time for me. Her time for me is whatever left over. But, I just want her to treat me like her other friends. That if she sees a friend once a week for an hour to get coffee and spends that whole hour 100% focused on them, why can't I have that too? Why can't I have a time she dedicates just to me. Is that too selfish?? I don't know anymore what is realistic to ask of her and what is me just being desperately clingy.