Dear Trailrunner,I've so many things I want to say but don't know how.

My eyes have been red, definitely because yeah, I'm grieving though my parents are still alive and very physically and mentally healthy. In fact, they're enjoying themselves on yet another expensive holiday right now, despite all the guilt trips for decades on how they'll be poor, unwanted, abandoned and in a elderly folks home when they're older because of me...

You're not wrong to feel how you feel. Grieve, grieve, you didn't get the good enough parenting every child deserves. You were abused and neglected and perhaps you're still being verbally abused and emotionally abused by your mother still...

You owe your parents nothing. They didn't do their best. You are not alone on grieving. You are not a bad person.