I'm sorry you are going through such a painful time. Are you seeing a therapist to process and deal with some of these feelings? Why not try the medicine? It can't hurt and could actually help you feel better.

You need to find something to distract yourself or fill your time so you're not ruminating over this. I don't know what that is for you but staying busy will help. This sounds like a fresh loss. Time does heal or dull the pain. Best wishes.....