Thanks, feileacan, it helps a lot not to feel all alone with this feeling.

I'm very sorry, or sad, that I never lucked into a therapist who could accept me. It's what I expected from my idealization of the profession -- that's where the feeling of being scammed comes in.

Today is h. .ll, and I have no energy. But in a few weeks I'm planning to go along with my daughter and her family to see my son and his family on the other side of the U.S. The first time all the family will be together since the last 3 grandbabies were born.

I'm sad my family of origin didn't live up to what I expected. In the end, parents focused on parents' needs meant that it all fell apart -- my sister and I weren't sufficient, plus we got into arguments and had no experience about how to handle that. Maybe we hadn't had enough good nurturing, maybe who knows. So very sad, and my dream that things would somehow, someday be all "right" about that never came true.

Now, I feel like I don't have the "backstop" of a loving extended family, not just for myself but for my kids, too. Plus they have a mom who is still kind of unstable and depressed. But they seem to be doing OK, and maybe we can go on without that extended family? Hope so, because looks like we have to!!

Thanks, everybody, for your comments. I DO feel accepted here on PC -- even when different people and I have different views about things. Still, as a person I feel OK here. One of many good things about our changing social world, I guess.