coralproper,

I appreciate your expression of hope for us all to find peace, but I really want to make sure that you include yourself in that, regardless of how you may be comparing your story with others you read here. As CyranO and jinnyann have said, your pain is real, no matter how the cause compares to others. The fact is, we are all on a journey of recovery, no matter how different the experiences that brought us here and no matter how different our healing process has to be. We have a common struggle. And we need to support each other in that struggle. In this process, we will have different, stories, different needs and different frailties. And we may have different strengths. What brings me to my knees, you may be able to face with rock solid defiance, and vice-versa. But what is most important is not how we are different, but what we share and what we need. We need to stand together, so that we can lean on others for strength when we need it. As we share that process, we will experience the power of helping each other heal.

I guess my point is, don't minimize what you have been through by comparing your experience to others. You have been hurt, or you would not be here. You deserve to heal, and we are glad you are here so we can help you. In turn, you can extend a hand of companionship and help when you feel able -- that in itself you will find to be very empowering.

You no longer have to struggle to block out your past. You can let it out here. You are not alone; we understand. And you deserve help. Please don't hesitate to reach for it here. We are united in our sorrow, to be sure, but united just as well in healing.

And one other point. I am overjoyed for you that you have such a beautiful family that you so clearly value and care for. But I worry that while you are providing for them what they need and deserve, you are somehow detached from that by hiding all of your pain from them -- your past is a secret. Keeping that secret is owning the pain. And I don't think it does anything to protect your family. At some point, you will need to let the secret go. The secret can be very destructive. You are being very brave, to be sure. Your family is strong, I can feel that. They will love you even if you show you pain. In time, I hope you can integrate your past into your present by finding the room to not hide your past from others, and truly let the toxic nature of the past out of you. It is nothing to be ashamed of. And it is not a burden to share what hurts you with those who love you. It is simply sharing and embracing the healing love they will want to give you. When I finally revealed to my friends and family my abusive past, I was so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support, but just as overwhelmed by the relief of FINALLY not feeling ashamed and not carrying the burden of my "unspeakable" secret. Those who love me were not burdened by my pain. They were happy to extend their healing love. And we were ALL better for it -- closer, more loving and safer than ever, together. Truly, you can protect your family without having to hide you pain and feel not "normal". You deserve that too, and your family would want that for you. You can open up slowly, but please don't accept a life of suffering in silence and in secret from those who know you the most and love you the most. Remember, if a member of your family was in pain, you would want to know, so you could comfort them and help them heal.

I am very happy you are here. Welcome to your community,

mtd