I can relate to this post so much. When I was a teenager, I wished my father dead (in my head) and he died a few months later of a sudden heart attack. The kicker is that I have always believed my wishes killed him, but have felt no remorse or guilt. I have always felt I had no soul, the way I feel nothing for what happened. But now, reading your post and knowing what a kind, caring person you are, I see how those feelings are about abuse and not the kind of person I am. So to answer your question, does this make you a bad person? NO! It makes you a hurt person, with a sensitive heart.