He was in a nursing home for over 100 days last year. I was there almost every day for a good part of the day. (I think I missed 5 days.) I did almost all his showers, while he was there. I did most of his hands on personal care. They were not keeping him clean. I had him up walking with his walker. (They just left him in his wheelchair.) He developed a pressure sore from too much sitting in the w/c. That's completely healed now.) I changed his bed linens. (They would often just pull up the covers over stained sheets.) I brought him homemade protein shakes and other food. I kept an ice chest in his room that I stocked daily with nutritional drinks and snacks, like cheese.) I took his laundry home daily. (They were losing his clothes.) I made sure he had his dentures in for meals. (They almost never did, even though I phoned them twice to remind them.) Twice I brought him to the emergency room at the VA for acute problems they failed to notice. (One of those was for food stuck in his esophagus that required emergency endoscopy in the O.R.) He fell there 8 times.

I did enjoy being home nights, knowing he was being watched. I got my own apartment cleaned up. Mainly, I relaxed in my own home. But the running back and forth was a hassle. I took him out every weekend to have dinner at my house. I would be no less busy with him, if he were back there.

I do think about what I will do when he's gone. I would follow interests of my own. Might do some volunteer work. I could even work part-time. I could visit my family who are far away. I will miss him.

When you can't afford an expensive facility, nursing home care isn't too great. Even expensive ones aren't all that good. There is no easy solution that lets you have peace of mind.