ScaredandConfused, I've not been happy in this relationship or my life ever, really. We don't share the same politics or beliefs, he is controlling in some ways, gets irritated with me easily, procrastinates way worse than I do, and I've given up my young days (20s and 30s) being with him. Partially, I wanted to stop living in my mom's house at the time.

He won't let me hire anyone, even if he could supervise. He says it's because they might condemn the house, but he's also said in the past that he just doesn't want anyone to see the house, or neighbors seeing lots of bags of trash going out. I don't care what the neighbors think, but he does. Additionally, he doesn't like the judgment we might get from those cleaning the house. He says they'll "talk amongst themselves." For me, it's like, so what?

He can't even keep up with the yard, and we've gotten in trouble with that. A neighbor mowed our front lawn shortly after we first moved here, and while my boyfriend agreed it was nice, he didn't want him to do it, because my boyfriend feels it's his responsibility.

One other thing, I have always hated this house. He jumped on it without talking to me first because his first two choices for bought fast, and he didn't want to miss the opportunity. I've always been mad he didn't consult me first. I want paying for it, but I'm hours girlfriend, and it was going to be able my home, too.

Here's my plan (although some details have to be worked out): When he makes it possible for me to use my computer again, I'm going to try to make money writing and save up to move somewhere. I'm 49, and don't have time to do much with my life anymore,to build wealth (I dream) someday while I'm old enough to enjoy it.

My cats and bird deserve a better life. I don't want to lose them, but my OCD makes it hard to live with them. I have indoor cats and outdoor cats, and it's expensive and my OCD is crazy. I know if anyone saw inside our house, they'd probably take our animals away. I don't want to lose our bird most of all. He was here first. The cats were never meant to become indoor cats, but I'll spare you that story, as this is already long.

If I could make the changes necessary, I could handle so much more. My boyfriend is almost never home, and when he is, he's in his office or asleep, rarely coming out, and not saying much to me. Everything I want to do, he wants to get "over with."

I'm lonely. I don't want to lose my stuff at home and in storage (which includes things my mom left me, including stuff from my dad, as well).

I have more to say, but I'll end this here for now. Sorry so long, but I'm truly depressed and feel stuck.