The reality that I've been hurt, misled, and treated poorly. By people who I idealized for various reasons, including that's just what little kids do.

The reality that that was then and this is now and that old stuff doesn't necessarily have anything to say about what right now is or can be about. (especially now I've dug through or processed all or most of the held-onto internal c. . p. Don't know if that was really necessary in order to let it go, but it's what I have done on, what was I thought the recommendation of "professionals" at the time, years ago.)