Well, identifying the problem is the first step toward fixing things. Maybe there is a different path for you and in accepting therapy isn't it, you will find what you need. Certainly sounds like you have put in a lot of effort and its just repeatedly backfired. Therapy is one way towards understanding yourself, but there are lots of others. Art, meditation, challenging yourself, travel, helping others etc etc.
Maybe you can channel the emotional energy that dragged you down in therapy to something that lifts you up.
The most important lesson I've learned in life is that i am really the only one who can help or save myself. It sounds like maybe you are rejecting your Reliance on others opinions of you, which will help guide you toward your own strength.

I hope this path brings you the peace and insight you haven't been able to find elsewhere