Dear T.

We made this about my brother today. It wasn't about my brother. It was about my Mum, it was about me not feeling like I had anyone. It comes from a younger place than my brother or those boys. It comes from a time when I needed her and she wasn't there for me. That's where the sadness lay today, though I couldn't show you. You said you were sad, and I should have been too, but I wasn't. It is too scary to be that sad. That part of me is still scared to be vulnerable with you, but I trust that it will keep coming. I trust that you have the patience and I have the determination to keep doing this, together.

ETA. T didn't tell me that I should have been sad. I am saying that to myself. I know, there is no 'should' with feelings, but it's like I need to push myself to do this. It is safe. It is time.