I just know that any time I believe that the Holy Spirit is healing me in ANY way, I'm on my way to a bad, bad place. And, the reality of this thinking is becoming more and more realistic. I am drinking more and more water and sucking so much from the shower it is almost making me puke (sorry for the imagery!). I KNOW these thoughts do not agree with reality but I can't shake the reality. It's like I fluctuate between this is the Holy Spirit and I have completely lost my mind. I do this until, you guessed it, I completely lose my mind. And in some ways I know this. I know in my demeanor and in how everyone treats me. I feel like I'm becoming depressed...or maybe just failing at my faith. I want to die and I feel like the enemy is imposing suicidal thoughts. I know the thinking is not my own. I just can't anymore.