Hi again everyone,

Here's the latest update from my boss in response to my email:

Hi XXX,

In response to your email this morning, I did want to make clear that we have been very happy with your performance in the office. I'd like to sit down with you before any final decisions are made and so please go ahead with obtaining a medical release. Given XXXX's schedule, I'd like to sit down with you and XXXX early next week if that works for you.

Thanks,

XXXX

Sooooo....yeah. At this point I have no idea what to do. I shared that email with a close friend of mine and he asked quite plainly asked, "Why are you so committed and resigned to self destruction?" That's a completely fair and valid question. It really comes down to me not believing I deserve good things. Any healthy person (although if they were healthy would never have put themselves in this situation) would jump all over this second chance. But there's a part of me that loves the chaos. The insanity. The unknown. The drama. There's also a part of me that just wants to come clean and explain everything to them. And if I get let go then, I get let go. But at least I'll have been honest.

Feeling insane.