Just looking for experiences or advice. It's okay if you don't have advice. I like to hear stories anyway!

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Today during therapy, I held back. My therapist and I did our normal "hi, how are you doing?" and "what's new this week?". Then we moved on to "are there any stressors going on that you want to talk about?" That's where I held back

We did talk about my two greatest stressors, which was fine. (These stressors are recurring, so we do a "check in" with each other at the beginning of the appointment.) We also addressed my concern for med withdrawal symptoms... which, if they do occur (and I think there is a strong chance they will), will be quite severe. (Had these withdrawal effects before when I went cold turkey off my meds... except this time I'm working with my pdoc to taper off, so we'll see.) But I didn't tell her about my recent unrestrained shopping spree, nor did I go into great detail about my desires to "get out there" in terms of dating and making friendships

I told her that I wasn't interested in making friends or dating anyone at this time. She asked why and I told her the truth: my mood is very unstable and my pdoc and I are making medication changes; thus, it's not a great time to "put myself out there" when I'm a mess. (And really, I think the last time I was "stable" was 17 or 18... which is a while considering I'm barely 26! And "coincidentally", the last time I had friends was 17/18. Hmmmm...)

I do want to make friends at some point, but I'm complacent right now given the circumstances. I try not to get too down on it cos it'll just destabilize me more. So I ignore it and deal with online friends. Fills the void. Suits my needs for now. I also have severe social anxiety that we've never really touched upon, which I think she might have guessed based on my history of mood instability (dating back to 13/14 years old). I had given her a lot of detail about that 4-5 weeks ago

Sometimes I don't want to admit to being the mess that I really am.