Do you ever question that word? Wonder exactly how it even works? How is it related to what's going on in my head. I've recently heard a few people use this word to mean that something made them angry. That's not how I've used the word for myself. From what I know of the word, this post may be triggering. Sorry that I only seem to make post when I'm kind of down. That's when I need support the most so....
I actually thought that I was finally doing ok, that I was getting better. But lately I've just been feeling worthless, like I'm nobody. But other than that, fine. Better than before. But literally in the blink of an eye I become suicidal, or it becomes all I can think about and in that moment I feel depressed. Or I feel this need to just disappear, like a really strong urge to run away from my life and just leave it all behind. To just be alone. It's more like suicidal ideation than actually attempting to do anything. This happens to me no matter if I'm fine, happy or depressed. All it takes is for the right words to be spoken to me by the person that absolutely love the most other than my children. It happens just about Everytime there is an argument. Or even a slight annoyance or anger in his demeanor that is caused by me. He can just make me not want to exist anymore but it's more so my fault that I feel that way than his because my brain perceives things differently. It seems as if no matter what I try to do it's not good enough. I try so hard to be ok, to be normal. I find distractions but those distractions always become a problem because when you always need a distraction from your own head it starts to take over your life. Sorry I think I've gone down the rabbit hole with this post. Anyways if Im using the word trigger correctly, my husband would be a trigger for me, a huge trigger. My kids are sometimes triggering for me as well. Causing my mind to wonder to the dark side. So what does trigger mean for you? Maybe I'm looking at the word wrong. Sorry that I fell down the rabbit hole. Thanks for reading if you made it to the end of this.
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Dx: Bipolar 2, Anxiety disorder, Adjustment disorder with mixed anxious mood.
Medicine: 40mg Latuda, 35mg HydroXYZ
Past Meds: 20mg Latuda, 150mg Seroquel XR, 50mg Topiramate (Trokendi XR), 25mg Vraylar, 25mg buspirone
 You live and you learn
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