Quote:
Originally Posted by Myrto
With my ex T it took me two years to realize that I was the only client she was emailing with. I was completely stunned. The fact that she only allowed one client (myself) to email her was actually very damaging because she started to resent it which eventually led to termination.
Nobody has brought it up but what about fairness? How is it fair to other clients to have favourites? Because that's what it is: giving only certain clients some priviledges over others is playing favourite. I don't think it's healthy at all: neither for the client nor the therapist.
Sure it might feel good to feel special but how would you feel if this was the other way around and you found out that your therapist had extended priviledges to some clients but not to you? Imo all clients should be treated the same. I know people here will disagree.
I'm absolutely certain my current therapist does not treat me any differently from her other clients: no special priviledge, no outside session contact, none of that. This is better.
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Regarding this question of doing different thing for different clients - I think that it should be done based on the needs of the client AND the needs of the therapist. And it is definitely the Ts job to take charge of how they are meeting those things - it's very unfortunate that your former T did more than she felt able to manage, and then ended up unfairly resenting you for something which was entirely her responsibility. I'm so sorry you had that bad experience, it must have been very painful.
In terms of schema therapy, this kind of tailored response to the client is the bit that is called limited reparenting. So for example, one person might have had a very enmeshed and overbearing parent, and as a result they have never found their own voice or been able to make their own choices in life. So with this person, the schema therapy T should not be constantly in contact with them, or giving them advice on what to do, but instead gently encouraging them to become independent and trust themselves and their own judgment. On the other hand, another person might have had absent or abusive caregivers, and they have never learnt to trust or rely on anyone other than themselves and it causes a problem in relationships. So with this person the T will be supportive, which may include out of hours contact, to help the client to experience a relationship where they are cared for and where they can trust the other person, because this is a really key experience that has been missing in their life. And once they learn to trust, it can transfer to other relationships and lead to other close and non-abusive friendships and relationships, outside of therapy.
The second one is my case. I really really appreciate my T's extra help and support, which I know he doesn't do for everyone. At the same time, I trust him as a professional that he is doing what he judges to be best for me in my life and my personal development, and that he is comfortable with his approach and knows that he is capable and is not overstretching himself.
I know different therapies work differently. I just thought I would explain that this is how it works in schema therapy.