Hi Piglette & unaluna!

Thank you both for your replies, I really appreciate the time you've taken to read through my ramblings and to leave some feedback. I find it's so easy these days to forget I'm not the only one going through unpleasant times and that I'm not the only 'work in progress'. It's a comforting thing to realise and I hope you're both gradually finding your way as I hope to myself.

As a bit of an update, I actually visited my doctor today to discuss the difficulties I'm currently experiencing and I was prescribed clomipramine, an antidepressant I haven't taken before which he believes may be more useful than those I've taken before. I'm also starting some courses with the local Recovery College as of next week so hopefully things will slowly be moving in a more positive direction sooner rather than later.

@Piglette: Really enjoyed reading your advice, the way you referred to your own 'reinvention' perfectly summarises how I feel towards my own in a way I couldn't put into words. I think another thing I forget is that these things take time. I'm far too impatient for my own good and forget to see the bigger picture. I often assume the way things are at the moment is how they'll be forever as ridiculous as that sounds.

Funnily enough, I recently made a weekly schedule for myself trying to factor in my job, personal projects and self-care (exercise, cooking, cleaning etc.), it's just keeping focused on and committed to it that I find to be most difficult; that and the fact it still never feels like there's enough time in the day for it all.

I think that you're right about changing my mindset towards certain distractions as hard as it can be to do. I also agree with how useful writing can be, I tend to specialise in song lyrics myself as I find those based on negative experiences are often the most beautiful and poignant (a silver lining I suppose).

I must admit that I'm super lucky to be in a job that I enjoy going to every day and that I have a loving and supportive family but I totally agree that the help I need most of all has to come from me. Much like how you described yourself though, I have zero self esteem and find this really hard to do.. Hopefully it'll come in time and I'll find the patience, strength and courage necessary to push through as it sounds like you're doing at the moment. Good luck with everything that's going on at the moment.

@unaluna: Thank you for the recommendations, I'll have to check those books out at some stage! I already have a few on the list including 'Awaken the Giant Within' by Tony Robbins (suggested to me after I watched his brilliant documentary 'I Am Not Your Guru'), so I'd better get my butt in gear and get to reading!