Part of my job is covering courts. Sometimes I like it, and sometimes it messes me up bigtime.

Today I had to write a story about two little kids, ages 8 and 11, whose 2 older brothers, ages 17 and 22, had been sexually abusing both of them for years. The 8 year old was only 5 when it started. She told somebody at school after she heard a presentation on staying safe when your parents are gone, and they called the sheriff.

The worst part is, not only are the two older boys charged, but so is the mother. She told those two poor little kids to lie, because as one of them said she said, "what happens at home, stays at home." They told her repeatedly that they were being abused and she ignored it.

My CSA involved my mom. I don't know if my dad ever knew or not. My sibs (who are much older) never did, still don't, and won't ever, because I am not telling. It's not to protect my mom, it's to protect ME, from disbelief and accusations that I'm making it up and stuff, because since it didn't happen to them, it can't be true, right? They all think I'm a drama queen and mental as it is.

My heart aches for those poor little kids, but for me too. It's being selfish, I know, but they're going to get justice, and I'm not, ever. It makes me mad sometimes that I grew up in times when stuff like this wasn't recognized and people in authority routinely didn't do anything about it. One way or another, I have suffered my whole life because of that, and when relatives go to prison for doing to kids what was done to me, it makes me sad that I won't have the satisfaction of knowing that my mom paid for what she did to mess me up for life.

BTW, both the older brothers admitted to all of it. The mom has yet to say a word.