I feel I've been born under the wrong circumstances when it comes to parents, otherwise I'd have a better social life. I just see everything as purely genetic and feel I lack control over my fate.
I've been pondering on which university to attend ever since I licensed to a nearby university. I want to go to further universities because I want to be away from home, a place I feel has given me mostly wrong.
But something is keeping me from it. I don't know what. It could be comfort. It could be love. But if it were love, wouldn't I have a better social life? Were it love, wouldn't I feel a more emotionally attached mother and have a useful father figure?
I have no fuel for passions. I want to bring my inner world outside and I just end up not doing so. I want to express my imagination through digital music and perhaps art... but I can't.
I've become volatile - lost faith in people, begun to see everything as a competition, even love.
I feel like a wasted human because of my parents. They don't emotionally care about us. The only one to display emotional connections is our father, and those emotions are mostly negative. The positive ones are calm compared to the more powerful negatives.
I'm not moving out, because I'm not always sure it will solve all my problems and magically make me feel better... but sometimes I think it will.

Again, I've been in an inner volatile state lately. I have moments where I feel recovery, but right now is the moment I feel feelings in need to be heard.

From here it's just venting so I'll stop for now and be as on-point as possible. Thank you for listening and understanding.