Quote:
Originally Posted by Skies
Yes, I had therapy like that once. I actually dreaded going and like you said, it felt like a chore, and I just ended up quitting.
I liked the therapist a lot, but it was more like chatting with a friend. She was smart but not really clinically trained, maybe. (Not saying yours isn't competent-but a therapist could try to engage the client too; wouldn't put 100% on you.)
At the time, I had an adult trauma a few months before starting. I think i may have been numb with PTSD, so I wasn't feeling emotion at all.
Could it be PTSD numbing for you?
I can also say that with my current therapist, I didn't feel engaged the first few months. I wasn't physically well at the time, either, and was beat/worn down. I think with him it was exhaustion. But his way of engaging back then (or lack of it-blank slate behavior) drew out intense emotions in me. Then I was highly engaged. So it can take time.
It can be different when you enter therapy in an active crisis, post crises, episode of MDD, or are in a good place in life and just looking for self improvement. People's experiences vary so much, so it's difficult to make comparisons with others. But it's natural to do that. I think it's good to question things. Can you bring this up to your therapist?
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I need PTSD therapy but I'm sole caretaker of my stepdad. He has pancreatic cancer. I'm a single mom. I can't practice law anymore, I'm disabled. I have my hands full.
The cancer is terminal and very aggressive in its progression. He's only 64, it stinks. And, he's my only surviving parent. And the best parent I've had. I need to focus on him. I am doing self-care. We are very close. I love him and he's been a wonderful father to me. We became even closer when my mom died, as we were joint caretakers when she was terminally ill.
But I've had a lot of trauma throughtout my life. This is not the time to start trauma therapy. I'm not avoiding it. I thought about that. It can wait six months. I have good intuition. I was abused as a child and married a narcissist...18 years. Grey-rocking him. Lots of family deaths. Giving up my legal career for SSDI was necessary but it's a loss. There are other things in between. It's a big stack of loss, lol.
For now and through the very end, I want to be there for my stepdad. I'm familiar with the grief process from the deaths of my grandparents and biological parents. It takes time. Plus, I have to close his estate, there's the house, etc.....my partner is helping me. I still need to arrange for his cremation. It all takes a lot of time. Grieving is important but it took me a long time with my bio-dad. This may take a long time. My T has no experience in grief therapy.
I'm a piece of work, maybe a lifetime, lol. One day at a time.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply.