I was where you were a couple of months ago. I texted a crisis line and although it was somewhat helpful, the feelings were still there. Sometimes SI, at least for me at that time, can be very intense and overwhelming. The fact that you have reached out tells me that you do want help and don't want to give in. Everyone here is supportive and want you to be the best you can be. I'm sure any of us won't mind if you decided to send a pm for one on one conversation to talk it out. But you have so much going for you right now. Please look at what you do have and focus on that (I know it's easier said than done). We care and want what's best for you. I hope you are feeling somewhat better now. Please take care of yourself.