Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
A little, thanks. It hurts, though. Deep hurt that I just have to accept. It's also hard for me to accept that something really was wrong in my past. It doesn't seem fair and it's scary because my parents both loved me very much! T says it's either the incubator but that was only 2 weeks, or my mother's anxiety. Or both. There's no use wondering about the cause anymore. It just adds to my grief!
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I was traumatized, and felt abandoned, by an experience in the hospital when I was 3. Nothing that anybody knew would happen back then, or knew had happened.
So I can well imagine that 2 weeks for a newborn could have affected something. Unlike anything that would have been possible for a newborn, I did have cognitive memories of my experience but the emotional ones lay dormant/dissociated for many years. No use for you wondering about that, as you said.
Take my feeling about it, instead, if you can? I believe like your T that it could have, and I would cradle that infant in my arms, if I could have. As you would if you could, if it weren't you. . .
It sometime seems too much to bear, but having a daughter and granddaughters helps me put one foot in front of the other. So much of my life is gone, but so much of theirs is left to be. It's fun to watch that!