My T responded to one of my emails and it got me crying again. She wrote that she knows I can heal and that I'm doing great work. She said to continue showing love and compassion to the baby and child, to mother her. Then she wished me a good trip.

In the email that I know she won't answer, I asked if my child part is still allowed to be close to her, and said I understand her not wanting to hold my hand yesterday. She said that didn't mean she wouldn't​ ever do it again.

I was just interrupted by a phone call so I actually have at least 2 friends who understand. She thinks I'm amazing because I'm facing my pain, and this growing/healing is what I'm supposed to be doing in my life. It's painful but I have to go through it.

So, I still miss T, or what I wanted from her. I can't escape the child's pain and sense of loss, as well as my adult sense of ending this charade. But charade is an adult word. It was no charade for the child; it was an intense need.