I am sorry that you once again had a negative experience with your mother. As one participates more in life and gains on their life experience, often a visit with a parent/family member that contributed to dysfunction in one's life can bring up some very uncomfortable feelings/emotions and it's not so much that you are left with damage long after you have seen them, but you just become more "aware" of all the years that same person was a negative/toxic influence on you.

If you are left with only more "hurt/disappointment" in your history bag that your brain has in it, you deserve to finally take a time out and "grieve". And as you are grieving for yourself, maybe you should grieve for her as well.

That list provided in the article where it describes 10 toxic behaviors in people, these are all individuals who use these toxic behaviors because while these behaviors can be used to "some" degree in a lot of people, the ones that use these behaviors too much are the ones that do so because it was what they learned to do to gain a sense of "control".

Well, human beings are born navigators and the main desire a human being has is finding ways to navigate in their life that provides them with a sense of safety. That list of behaviors that is provided is a list of how individuals find those behaviors that they "think" works for them and they end up grabbing that behavioral tool the most.

So, when you went to visit your mother, what you saw in her is that same tool box and what's hard about that is how "her" tool box hurt you and left you struggling with developing your own healthy self esteem. What is very challenging when it comes to spending time with a toxic parent or family member like you described, is not so much their dysfunctional behaviors, but the affect of that behavior and the reminder of how that individual's behaviors made one feel.

We just had mother's day and for many that can be a very difficult day. Instead of it being a day that is positive, it can be a day of "mourning" something that represents a deep personal "loss" for someone. Truth is, you don't have to "love" that person called "mother" either. And when one experiences that, it's important to mourn that, but to do so in a loving way towards self.

All these "toxic" behaviors are important to identify for educational purposes, and to slowly learn that when you come across these behaviors, the one thing that's important is to work on your own ways towards not allowing any of these behaviors to damage your efforts to practice self love and enlightenment. What a lot of people don't get help with early on is learning that a lot of these behaviors that different individuals present are things one can slowly learn how to not allow themselves to "take" with them and stuff them in themselves.

Also, if someone reads these toxic methods and discovers they may use them, it doesn't mean you have to feel shame etc., it's an opportunity to recognize how much you might use them and work on reducing these habits and picking up more productive behaviors.