Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennster
I think this is a really interesting idea, because it's so different from my experience. I don't see opposition in my therapy. I am not sure what we would be opposing in each other? I feel like we tend to be on the same page regarding where I want to go, and if he were opposing me in this I wouldn't see it as helpful to me. He's kind of a big ball of mush as far as what I should be doing- neither of us see it as his role to drive me in a particular direction.
But I'm curious as to how you see it! What kinds of ways do you see therapists usefully opposing people, and vice versa?
Actually, now that I think about it, I remember reading something he wrote once about ways to reduce conflict in therapy, that had something to do with therapists holding on to everything very lightly- their own interpretations and thoughts, for example. He seems really deliberately non-oppositional to me, in the service of allowing me as much space as I need for whatever.
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I am not saying the opposition is deliberate, but that it is innate and inevitable. People, especially in a relationship that is as emotionally one-sided as therapy, are going to have differences. Maybe due to the factors the OP mentions like transference or a bad fit, or maybe like me they hate the whole set-up. If you're dating someone and oppositions come up, whether or not they are resolved and how they are resolved are really key: do the partners talk things out and compromise? Does one always give way? Do they constantly struggle for dominance? Do they break up?
So I think I am kind of saying the same thing as those who say that ruptures in therapy should be resolved in order for the client to deal with their larger issues. It's from the oppositions that greater collaboration can arise. Out of adversity cometh happiness etc.
My current therapist and No. 3, like yours, really keep their opinions out of the room and don't offer opposition (though they might ask a challenging question). I think such an approach tacitly recognizes the possibility of opposition by the therapist and is an attempt to avoid it. (I don't think therapists should actively oppose clients.). But like you suggest it also allows the client space to find their own voice and identity in the room. And part of that is going to be defining their role in the relationship and how they differ from the therapist.